Wednesday, May 07, 2008

We can un-cook it!


1. I like lists
2. I don’t have a TV
3. That hasn’t stopped me from watching TV online via my macbook
4. Orange is my favorite
5. To-do lists are my main form of organization
6. If I was, for some unexplainable reason, forced to pick one of my senses to loose, it would be my hearing; were I allowed but one to keep it would be my sight.
7. I smoke, and usually hate myself for it. That is, between drags.
8. I find nothing wrong with a little self-depreciating humor once in a while. While I like cute and joyful I also like dark, snarky, and cruel. (Because honesty is just more interesting).
9. I didn’t like being a teenager and would never go back, even if I could time travel.
10. I’m engaged and my fiancé lives far across the country. It sucks to be so far away. We have no dates planned only softly whispered plans to live in the same state again.
11. I have an orange canary and an orange dog, a younger sister and a great guy. I consider these creatures my immediate kin.
12. I’m an anthropologist, so when I use the word kin you don’t get to giggle and call me rural.
13. I probably am rural. And I like it when you giggle.
14. I don’t fit well in boxes.
15. My saddest story is so sad you’ll regret asking.
16. Dry Red, if you have it. Something Italian and so bitter my cheeks pucker, thanks.
17. My dad doesn’t know I moved back to my hometown 5 months ago.
18. I have an overly expressive face.
19. I’m only as self-obsessed as you are.
20. I have far, far more male friends than female. I feel like some women don’t like me because I’m smart, cute, and thin. Or maybe they don’t like me cause I’m arrogant.
20. I would really prefer for everyone to like me.
21. I love to grow things. I’m usually pretty good at it. I try and try until I succeed. Broccoli is hard to grow- but I did it. Lithops are almost impossible- I’m on my fifth year of killing them.
22. I’m already kind of tired of this list.
23. I remember wishing as a kid that adults wouldn’t talk to me as if I were simple-minded. Consequently, I speak to all children as if they were short adults. This is probably why my cousins love me and also why I have heard and become paralyzed by the sentence “Lea, what does humping mean?”
24. I hate going to bed and I hate waking up.
25. I can’t ever figure out what it is I want to eat.
26. Sometimes I’m an amazing cook.
27. Sometimes I can burn water.
28. I’m financially retarded.
29. I can never decide if I hate humans or love them.
30. I love your comments.
31. If you make me laugh I’ll love you forever.
32. I’m a damn good friend, and I don’t understand why so many of mine have moved away.
33. If you leave me a comment I promise I’ll help you move.
34. Life is not worth living without coffee.
35. If you want a postcard, email me your address.
36. If you want a birthday card, make sure I know your birthday.
37. I used to study philosophy but I think all it ever really did for me is make me sound smarter than I really am.
38. My birthday is the last day of the year. And yes, I feel slighted by the holiday season.
39. Yes, I would like a glass of champagne.
40. I made my first new years resolution this year, and it was to stop chewing my nails.
41. Thanks in large part to a new addiction to nail polish; I have largely succeeded in achieving that resolution. (Eds note: this is no longer true).
42. I work at a propane company but I swear to god if you make one more reference to Hank Hill I will quote dead French philosophers and German iconoclasts at you until your eyes bleed.
43. I developed a fun little anxiety disorder in the past year. I’m learning to deal.
44. There is no one music genre I can claim to listen to. I listen to them all. I used to think I didn’t like boy bands or hair metal, but really there is a special place in the annals of music for them too. Why? Well, it’s the same reason Chinese crested hairless dogs are allowed to breed.
45. My super power is procrastination.
46. I love to throw a good tantrum every once in a while.
47. My six word autobiography is “Won most battles with her self”.
48. For some reason my guy thinks that is a pessimistic autobiography. I don’t really see it that way, but we’ve agreed to disagree (and silently agreed never to bring it up again).
49. I hate the word fiancé, and will probably always refer to mine as my guy. I don’t see that changing as ‘husband’ sounds odd to me too. It occurs to me though, the safest word in the world might be ‘us’. Or maybe ‘we’.

In case you’re wondering why you’ve been treated to this fun little list, I wrote it a couple weeks ago and didn’t feel brave or bored enough to post it then. Now the busy is slowing, but my brain is cooked and my creativity zapped. So the filter that stops me from posting highly personal, embarrassing, probably illegal drivel (that no one reads or needs to know about anyway) is not working at its normal capacity. Thus, the list. and the publish button.

Now I'm afraid you will stop reading this, and stop coming back to my little page of crazy and I don’t want you to stop reading. Come back, I promise the brain won’t stay cooked! We can un-cook it! We have the technology!


Anonymous said...

That is really cool. I have known you for years now and i actually learned more about you.

BatSpit said...

I'll just hope you're a friend of mine, anonymous. If not one who knows how paranoid I am.

Pare said...

I will ALWAYS come back, dude. You? You are one of my favoritest blogs, hands down, and I'm not just saying that because you know what? I don't "just say" ANYTHING.

Love the bio, by the way. Infinitely better than everything I've come up with for mine (which is nothing).

Come visit. I like you.

KRIS10 said...

I think I know your of mine too~she was my favorite and my hero! BTW, I Think he figured out you left graceland. I am so glad that I got to know more about you. You're worth knowing! Look forward to learning more :)
I like you too!

Jackie said...

The more you reveal about yourself, the more I want to hang out with you. I'd probably only dislike you because your brain is so big I'd spend too much of my limited free time looking up what you were laying down. Which reminds me, I ordered the Michael Pollon book too, so let's commence to reading and discussing. And if you get a chance you should check out Diane Ackerman, my favorite being The Moon by Whalelight.

Greg said...

A well-written post. I agree with you about the need to stop procrastination. You can find more help at This website also has plenty of easy ways you can use to stop procrastination.

BatSpit said...

I knew that last comment was bullocks by the time I got to well-written.

I said it was my super power, why on earth would I want to fight it?

Laura said...

Bahahaha...loved that last comment there, mostly because I was planning on saying:
It seems as though we have a ton in common...especially "My super power is procrastination."
I LOVE how good I've gotten at procrastinating.

Alaina said...

Lovely list. I feel the same way about comments. I love them! Whether they're lame, stupid, blah or awesome... it's so nice to have them.

BatSpit said...

Hey, "Kris10"? I'm the only one who can mention my dad on my blog.

It's a rule.

The only exception is if you also curse him cleverly in the same sentence. For example, "Your father, may he stub his toe daily..."